As I was reminiscing earlier this week with Brent, I began to realize something interesting about my memories. In this case, I was trying to recollect specific incidents from a general statement made about a sour love I had as a teenager. I knew the reality of this past relationship; it was very bad, very destructive. I struggled to come up with details regarding this reality. After going to the depths to recall, I could remember some of the significant ills done against me but my own transgressions were not as apparent. Yet, I know that I was an instigator and aggressor at times. So have I blocked out the nasty things I was capable of doing to another? Selective. Am I trying to paint myself in my own mind as better than I actually am? I'd say, probably, yes. In all honesty, I know my talent for having a sharp tongue, knowing exactly what to say to make it hurt. I used to be proud of it. Ironically, I do remember saying something hateful to Brent in high school while we were friends in Arts and Crafts class. I attribute the recollection to him reminding me of this incident when we hooked up a few years later. Anyway, it still remains, selective memories make me uncomfortable.
This realization has furthered my desire for objectivity. Whether it be about myself, others, God, experiences, I want to see things for how they really are. I desire the impossible which drives me mad. Good memories, bad memories, recent experiences, all these are skewed. Is objectivity really necessary? Man, I don't know but I'd like it.
Even if I can't remember and view things as I want, there are a few things I know. Had I not experienced the bad relationship, I would not have realized as readily (especially at such a young age) when the right guy came my way. (We'll celebrate a decade this week.) Through maturity and forging healthier relationships with others and God, the nasty tongue stays at bay (for the most part).
In my opinion, here's an illustration of idealistic young love:
Arcade Fire - Neighborhood 1
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3 comments:
now that is a title! I think it will always be gross to pick the tarter out of a dogs mouth. And I love dogs :).
You made me stop and think with this one. Not so much with the dog mini-post. I have never picked doggie tooth tartar. But I would love it if we could be completely objective as well. Well, in theory I would. I was thinking that it would completely alter the outcome of our lives and especially our character. Every experience we have is accompanied by the emotions evoked in that specific situation. We look back on experiences in our lives and the same emotions arise, and we can see how it has changed us and formed our character. If we could master objectivity, the experience itself would be completely different because we could see the situation for what it truly is, not tainted by our feelings. Looking back at the experience would be completely different because we would be objective. Our character and personality would not be as influenced by our experiences. If we didn't have the good and bad memories and relationships, we wouldn't know what we know today, nor would we be as strong. It is so hard to know how things would really be in a world of objectivity because it will never be achieved. Good post, Melissa!
The show you watched sounds pretty sick, Eddie. What was it called? Just because you couldn't feel does that really mean you would inevitably and purposefully cause harm to yourself?
On Brent’s point, I do see the possibility for true objectivity in the human experience as slim to none. I can't speak for others but despite this I actually do desire it. I don’t see objectivity as being dependent entirely on emotion. If true objectivity were possible, it would involve having all the vital knowledge, information of a circumstance while briefly divorcing emotions or personal perspective in order to see an event as it truly stands. This type of suspension of emotion would not make us machines, it make us more controlled.
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